"Love is a Verb"

In high school I read a quote by Robert Heinlein

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own... Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy."

And to be honest, I don't think I've ever felt that way about someone. I've had the butterflies, the breathlessness and the goosebumps; but they never last. It's like the fire in my stomach burns out after a month or so and then everything just becomes a chore. I mean, I've gone out of my way to do nice things for the person I'm with, to make them happy, but it's always felt like work.
Then I read this blog a few weeks ago, and boy did it ever hit home!

I Didn't Love My Wife When I Got Married

After reading his story, it gave the quote I read when I was younger by Heinlein an entirely new meaning. I think for the first time I felt that I truly understood the meaning behind it. 

When you love someone, when you're truly in love with them. You're going to have those moments of fire, butterflies and goosebumps... but you're also going to have those moments when you want to stomp your feet and yell at them like a toddler. Just because that fire in your chest has dissipated and has been replaced by feelings of stress and frustration, doesn't mean it's gone! Throughout all of those feelings, deeply routed in your heart, is going to be the desire to make them happy.... the knowledge that their happiness is just as important, and tied to, your own. 

You don't just express your feelings to someone with outlandish gestures and "I love yous", but in your day to day actions. Appreciate the little things you do for your partner, and they'll appreciate yours. Don't look for applause and praise for doing the dishes or making the bed and don't throw it in their face either "well I did this for you so you do this". It's about give and take, love really is an action, it really is a verb!

That's the problem I think a lot of us have in life, we have this expectation that when we meet that special someone it's going to be all daffodils, daisies and roses 365 days a year. We're not prepared for the difficult times that the majority of our world experiences; whether it be financial hardships, loss of a loved one or a career change. It's so easy to just up and leave someone in today's society; that instead of investing the time and initiative in a relationship to fix the "grievances" we may have, we just move onto the next one. I'm not saying we need to suck it up and "settle", my life is living proof of that.

What I'm trying to say is, that we're not always going to see eye to eye with our partner. There are going to be times in each and every one of the relationships we have with others - whether it be a spouse, family member or friend - that we're not going to have the same perspective. 

I listened to Patti Smith give "Advice to the Young" and this segment really stood out to me.

"There's beautiful things in life, so when you're suffering, just, you know, it's part of the package, you know. You look at it; we're born, and we also have to die. We know that, so it makes sense that we're going to be really happy and things are going to be really fucked up too. Just ride with it. It's like a roller-coaster ride. It's never going to be perfect. It's going to have perfect moments, and then rough spots, but it's all worth it."

What she said, it really sticks with me. I've found that I've applied it to not only my relationships and friendships with others, but on the way I live my life every day. Life is all about ups and downs, it really is a roller coaster ride of good times and bad - as cliche as that sounds. 

There are going to be really amazing times, and really hard times in every interaction we have with the world around us. That's what life is, positives and negatives, ups and downs, highs and lows. 

I'm looking forward to the day that I meet someone I'm willing to compromise with. Someone I'm willing to do stuff for and with, when it doesn't feel like a chore or work; when it just comes naturally without me realizing. 

I'm not going to go out searching for this level of love and commitment, I know that when I am good and ready... when I'm "mature enough" to accept myself as I am and make the changes I need to make to equate another's happiness to my own, God will bless me. I must first seek to change my ways that have strayed from the path He made me. As it says in 1 Peter 5:10

"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you."

When He feels I am worthy and accepting of the next chapter in my life, things will change. Until then I must stay true to my faith and my journey, my mission to better my life and the lives of those around me. I will continue to love not only through words, but actions as well :)

#LoveIsAVerb #Happiness #PattiSmith #Heinlein #Love #Learn